To Mother is to Worry

Iris has taken her first steps. A few times. Tiny, teeny tiny steps. I would love to go back four months and tell myself, “Iris walks. Her left leg works.” Here I have been worrying this whole time. Physical therapy evaluation and everything.  (because one dr. was worried too) She just crawl-dragged that left leg forever, but when she started to stand, it got stronger.

She squatted and stood, squatted to standing and eventually the right leg was strong enough to let the left one step and the left is just barely strong enough to hold the weight for a half second- and then she’s down. Still, that counts as first steps.

 I’m sure its very evolutionarily sound to worry as a mother, it is good to protect yoru brood. Probably the Jew in me is the extra worry that throws me over the edge, the edge of serenity, about medical things-our mysterious bodies. But many times and for many topics, I am less worried than many parents. I didn’t worry she would stop breathing and die as a newborn. I didn’t worry she wasn’t being fed enough.   I have never tried to protect her from bumps and bruises. There are few because she was somehow (thank you, donor) blessed with excellent balance and body-awareness. When she does get hurt, she is tough, rarely cries, and wants to do it again and get it right this time! She is a fearless climber.

But, those mysterious bodies of ours! Iris’s body seems to need less sleep than most. We are getting occasionally some good nights now with 2, 3 and one 4hr chunk of consecutive sleep (at 15months). Slow, turtle-esque progress for which we are grateful.

And my own mysterious body. This is a week of drs appts I have been avoiding. After a week of acute neck pain that has been going on intermittently now 8 years after an injury, my chiropractor is sending me to a pain management dr. Why do I have massage and physical therapy and chiro and the condition never goes away- I worry.

The allergist- are there any new drugs are treatments besides all of the ones I have become immune to, or do I have to go live in the desert all summer or become a hermit- I worry? The Dermatologist- what is this mutating thing on my arm, ringworm or just excema- I worry.  The child in me does not want to go to any of these Drs and believes that Drs can’t help me, won’t help me, are full of shit, might give me treatment that hurts. The parent in me makes me go anyway.

I am worried about our bushtits. Bushtits are teeny tiny birds who weave elaborate pouch-like nests of moss and lichen. I almost cut down a branch of a rose bush which was leaning into the walkway until I head the tiny chicks inside peeping relentlessly and high-pitched; the nest was hanging on the precarious branch.

So instead of chopping, I propped that silly branch up with a tomato stake and a rubberband. I did not finish pruning the roses which are three-quarters of a year overdue for pruning and tall as trees. I was worried the babies would be disturbed if I was too close. I was worried the parents would abandon the nest and chicks (see a previous post). So I watch both parents feed the chicks, from a distance and I worry someone will carelessly walk the path and toss the branch. I worry the dog will be curious. I worry a crow will be menacing.

On the other side of the house, the song-sparrows in the holly tree out my bedroom window are so noisy I can barely think. They make it nearly impossible for Iris to go down for a nap- they are that loud. And that is on top of the continuous hammering of the remodel next door. At least the birds are abundance. Abundance is an antidote for worry. Specifically, gratefulness about abundance. We have cut roses and new dahlias and ready broccoli and snap peas and rainbow chard and dill and parsley and basil and tomatos buds up the wazoo. When I immerse in those things, the worry goes away for a minute.

Advertisements

About mooreamalatt

Find my whole bio here: http://www.savvyparentingsupport.com/#!about/cktc
This entry was posted in Gentle Discipline. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to To Mother is to Worry

  1. Audrey says:

    Congratulations on her first steps! If you want to try a new chiropractor I like my woo woo guy. He practices “network care” which is very gentle and whole body.

  2. Leah says:

    Abundance is an antidote to worry. Good thoughts.

    So happy Iris is starting to walk. Good job, mama, on all of it!

  3. LM says:

    Abundance and love. Abundant love. I’m with you sweet thing! Anything that interferes with the worry is welcome, isn’t it? ahhhh…. How exciting that she’s moving around – although I miss those good ol’ days and bet you will too. hugs and kisses to all. l, g, and e

  4. moorea says:

    UPDATE:
    on 7/8/11 the bushtits left the nest! I now get to see those three sweet things and hear thier high pitched squeeling as they fly with thier parents all over the yard! I got to finish cutting the rose bushes. And it wasn’t totally dark in that pouch, when I cut it down, I found some round “windows” in the lichen and moss.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s