Yes, yes, parenting is about mindfulness. I’m constantly reminding myself to be in the moment- to look at Iris’s face when she nurses and pet her head instead of trying to write an email. I’m also always reminding myself that each moment during a crying spell is just one moment and it is impermanent, will not last. I can laugh, I can smile through it. But I’m here to talk about something else.
We’ve told everyone I’m having my gall bladder removed on May 18. The truth is, I will most likely chicken out. This is because I have managed to avoid any gall bladder attacks since Iris was 10 days old. She is now over 1 month old. That’s a long stretch for me and it’s due to being extremely careful and “mindful” about my food.
Of course, after 10 years of mindfulness meditation (Insight Meditation/Vipassana) which has included sitting, walking, eating meditation and mindfulness practices in every aspect of life including while I’m working; it’s hard to imagine giving up this opportunity to continue to be crazily mindful about my food consumption. I’m mindful about every other kind of consumption.
So my rules have been: no food after six, fats only for breakfast, no pork or beef, cook with no oil, stay away from my food allergens, no drinking water within a half an hour of eating (hard to get both enough food and water that way but I like to think I’ve figured it out if I’m always focused on both.)
Will I cancel the surgery sooner or later or at all? Will I have a gall bladder attack before the surgery (if so, I’m sure I’ll have the surgery), Am I somehow better forever? Will the french food at Rovers on our anniversary (two days before surgery) give me an attack? [and on a non-sequiter- will my child ever nap more than 10 min?] Is the crazy eating that’s been preventing the attacks more like “disordered eating” and am I wanting to keep it around because a little bit used to disordered eating? CONTROL, CONTROL, CONTROL!
But I think it’s great that I have the baby and the crazy eating to practice this kind of mindful living, because I think it will be a long time before I get back to quiet sitting meditation.